As I get older, birthdays become more about reflection than it is about celebration. Out of Gemini season and going into my next trip around the Sun, there’s been a lot on my mind. To make peace with the past and prepare for what’s ahead, I write these words to serve as a reminder to myself and in hopes that maybe by sharing, it could shed a little light into your lives as well.

Like the start of Drake’s “March 14” song, “Here we go…”

In my 20s, I felt like I was constantly chasing something. Whether it be my career, true love, purpose/meaning and everything under the Sun, I was chasing to be something great in this life. Then as 30 started approaching, I choked up on this idea that I haven’t achieved anything. A series of flashbacks to make me feel like I was nothing. It felt like watching a reel of all my unfortunate mistakes and together they all brought me to this moment. It’s like I should have been somewhere else, should have been doing something different and yet “I am here”. It was this little dark cloud above me and it made me hate wanting to add another year to the books. I started looking at other 30-year-olds and how I fared against them. Soon, it turned into this downward spiral of self-pity and I knew it was becoming unhealthy. It did not serve me in any way and I needed to snap out of it – FAST. We really are our biggest critics and when it comes to the subject of self, comparing ourselves to others is the deadliest habit.

So, pulling myself out of this rut, it took a lot of mental effort, perspective and appreciation. I had to take a moment to really count my blessings and ask myself “What am I grateful for?” The answer was short and simple: family and friends. It’s the ones who took time of out their lives to let me feel I was loved. The ones that made me feel special, even just for a moment. Kind words are everything to me and I’m grateful to have a few people in my life to remind me to shine. With them, it was what I needed to get me through that rough patch.

Thereafter, it was as if the universe and I came to this mutual understanding. I had to appreciate life for what it has offered me and not focus on what life hasn’t given. So when I opened this space to let light in, I realized everything I could ever want, I already had. I have people who love me and a life that lets me keep living. Everything else has just been a bonus. Boiling it down, I already won. Achievement was always in my corner; I just never took the time to acknowledge it.

Now, here in my 30s, I stand with a new outlook. This decade is about enjoying the ride and the journey to what dreams may come. It’s about appreciating little pockets of time to remind me that “I am here”. For example, I was recently by the marina watching the sunset enjoying a nice drink with a breeze. And it’s moments like this that bring content and make me feel like I already made it. In addition, we search for meaning and purpose in our lives. But, what happens if your purpose doesn’t meet your expectations? Where life sets you up for one path and you know deep down, it isn’t for you. We find ourselves disappointed. Living through that in my 20s, I also refuse to let this decade get the best of me. Instead, I’m about giving this decade the best of me. And that means, EVERY.PART.OF.ME.