Revolutions Around the Sun

As I get older, birthdays become more about reflection than it is about celebration. Out of Gemini season and going into my next trip around the Sun, there’s been a lot on my mind. To make peace with the past and prepare for what’s ahead, I write these words to serve as a reminder to myself and in hopes that maybe by sharing, it could shed a little light into your lives as well.

Like the start of Drake’s “March 14” song, “Here we go…”

In my 20s, I felt like I was constantly chasing something. Whether it be my career, true love, purpose/meaning and everything under the Sun, I was chasing to be something great in this life. Then as 30 started approaching, I choked up on this idea that I haven’t achieved anything. A series of flashbacks to make me feel like I was nothing. It felt like watching a reel of all my unfortunate mistakes and together they all brought me to this moment. It’s like I should have been somewhere else, should have been doing something different and yet “I am here”. It was this little dark cloud above me and it made me hate wanting to add another year to the books. I started looking at other 30-year-olds and how I fared against them. Soon, it turned into this downward spiral of self-pity and I knew it was becoming unhealthy. It did not serve me in any way and I needed to snap out of it – FAST. We really are our biggest critics and when it comes to the subject of self, comparing ourselves to others is the deadliest habit.

So, pulling myself out of this rut, it took a lot of mental effort, perspective and appreciation. I had to take a moment to really count my blessings and ask myself “What am I grateful for?” The answer was short and simple: family and friends. It’s the ones who took time of out their lives to let me feel I was loved. The ones that made me feel special, even just for a moment. Kind words are everything to me and I’m grateful to have a few people in my life to remind me to shine. With them, it was what I needed to get me through that rough patch.

Thereafter, it was as if the universe and I came to this mutual understanding. I had to appreciate life for what it has offered me and not focus on what life hasn’t given. So when I opened this space to let light in, I realized everything I could ever want, I already had. I have people who love me and a life that lets me keep living. Everything else has just been a bonus. Boiling it down, I already won. Achievement was always in my corner; I just never took the time to acknowledge it.

Now, here in my 30s, I stand with a new outlook. This decade is about enjoying the ride and the journey to what dreams may come. It’s about appreciating little pockets of time to remind me that “I am here”. For example, I was recently by the marina watching the sunset enjoying a nice drink with a breeze. And it’s moments like this that bring content and make me feel like I already made it. In addition, we search for meaning and purpose in our lives. But, what happens if your purpose doesn’t meet your expectations? Where life sets you up for one path and you know deep down, it isn’t for you. We find ourselves disappointed. Living through that in my 20s, I also refuse to let this decade get the best of me. Instead, I’m about giving this decade the best of me. And that means, EVERY.PART.OF.ME.

Thank You 2017

With a week into 2018, I wanted my blog launch to reflect back on this past year to serve as a reminder of how far I’ve come and how much further I have to go. In order to welcome the changes ahead, it seems appropriate to first give ode to the journey I’ve trekked. And to describe it in short, 2017 came jam-packed with many lessons to be learned.

First, it taught me how to let go of the things we want, so we can make room for the things we actually need. With more space, it made me realize, I didn’t need to ask for someone to pick me. Instead, the only person that needed to choose me was myself. In my mind, this idea seemed blissful and simple enough to achieve. When I had to translate it into actions and execution, it proved to be no walk in the park. Just like any relationship, it required the same amount of effort.

In a “Man in the Mirror” moment, I had to ask what choosing myself really meant. It’s having an honest conversation with yourself and answering what YOU really want. What are YOU trying to accomplish in YOUR life and YOUR relationships? Everyday, I had to consciously stop and ask, “Is this what you want?” or “What’s your goal here?”
And it was simple; I wanted happiness.

Well, 2017 made sure I understood it clearly.
Happiness is not a permanent state of mind.
Happiness is merely an emotion.
Happy is not a pedestal or an accolade we’re meant to achieve.
Happiness is a decision.
Every. Single. Day.
It’s true, some days aren’t always happy.
And that’s okay.
It’s not supposed to be.
Some days are angry.
Some days are sad.
Some days are frustrating.
And that’s still okay.
There’s a reason we are built with a range of emotions.
It’s called being human.
And 2017 taught me, it’s okay to be human.

Moments are fleeting, so be present and feel what you feel.
Just don’t dwell and get stuck with one feeling.
Emotions are temporary - treat it as such.

Life should be treated with a similar perspective. Anything can change. When life presents us with options and requires us to choose, we automatically think these choices are permanent. As a result, we pick the paths that seem safe and fail to serve ourselves with the choice that would bring us the most joy. This past year, it pushed me to think differently.

Life is a collection of choices, made of both good and bad. I know I’ve had my fair share of wrong ones, but the beauty of choice is that I can still decide to make the right one. In some cases, the choices that brought me happiness where the same ones that ended up being the wrong choice. But that’s okay. Why? Because when I recognized how the decision no longer served my well-being and how it was negatively affecting my life, I knew another decision would present itself. I could either own it and move forward or stay in a rut. 2017 taught me how to always choose the former. In truth, no one is ever really stuck; it’s more about how we react to situations and emotions. Personally, I learned to be unapologetic about my choices because they ultimately contribute to a well-rounded perspective of what I define as MY life and the life that surrounds me.

Above all, in this “I pick me” journey, I learned the importance of self-love. In my darkest and loneliest hours, when I needed someone to be there, I realized the only person there was me. In my moments of bliss, when I wanted to share my excitement and joy, I realized no one really cared but me. I admit, there were times, I felt so utterly alone. But, I surprisingly found beauty in the solitude. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re sad, being alone means you are satisfied in your own company. I realized I didn’t need others to justify or acknowledge my existence, I was enough to acknowledge my own. At the same time, it doesn’t mean completely shutting others out of your life. It’s important to welcome the company who choose to be with you. Let love walk in when it wants, just don’t demand it.

Wrapping up, I thank 2017 for being filled with many highs and many lows. It showed me there is beauty in the places we least expect. We are the roses that grow from our own concretes. The seeds of love are fundamentally rooted in the self. To positively share ourselves with the world, let us love and nurture who we are first. In the greatest time to be alive, I’m so excited to see where love can take us next.

Cheers. & Happy New Year!