Revolutions Around the Sun

As I get older, birthdays become more about reflection than it is about celebration. Out of Gemini season and going into my next trip around the Sun, there’s been a lot on my mind. To make peace with the past and prepare for what’s ahead, I write these words to serve as a reminder to myself and in hopes that maybe by sharing, it could shed a little light into your lives as well.

Like the start of Drake’s “March 14” song, “Here we go…”

In my 20s, I felt like I was constantly chasing something. Whether it be my career, true love, purpose/meaning and everything under the Sun, I was chasing to be something great in this life. Then as 30 started approaching, I choked up on this idea that I haven’t achieved anything. A series of flashbacks to make me feel like I was nothing. It felt like watching a reel of all my unfortunate mistakes and together they all brought me to this moment. It’s like I should have been somewhere else, should have been doing something different and yet “I am here”. It was this little dark cloud above me and it made me hate wanting to add another year to the books. I started looking at other 30-year-olds and how I fared against them. Soon, it turned into this downward spiral of self-pity and I knew it was becoming unhealthy. It did not serve me in any way and I needed to snap out of it – FAST. We really are our biggest critics and when it comes to the subject of self, comparing ourselves to others is the deadliest habit.

So, pulling myself out of this rut, it took a lot of mental effort, perspective and appreciation. I had to take a moment to really count my blessings and ask myself “What am I grateful for?” The answer was short and simple: family and friends. It’s the ones who took time of out their lives to let me feel I was loved. The ones that made me feel special, even just for a moment. Kind words are everything to me and I’m grateful to have a few people in my life to remind me to shine. With them, it was what I needed to get me through that rough patch.

Thereafter, it was as if the universe and I came to this mutual understanding. I had to appreciate life for what it has offered me and not focus on what life hasn’t given. So when I opened this space to let light in, I realized everything I could ever want, I already had. I have people who love me and a life that lets me keep living. Everything else has just been a bonus. Boiling it down, I already won. Achievement was always in my corner; I just never took the time to acknowledge it.

Now, here in my 30s, I stand with a new outlook. This decade is about enjoying the ride and the journey to what dreams may come. It’s about appreciating little pockets of time to remind me that “I am here”. For example, I was recently by the marina watching the sunset enjoying a nice drink with a breeze. And it’s moments like this that bring content and make me feel like I already made it. In addition, we search for meaning and purpose in our lives. But, what happens if your purpose doesn’t meet your expectations? Where life sets you up for one path and you know deep down, it isn’t for you. We find ourselves disappointed. Living through that in my 20s, I also refuse to let this decade get the best of me. Instead, I’m about giving this decade the best of me. And that means, EVERY.PART.OF.ME.

Flow Forward

Life has a funny way of moving. It’s been months since my last post. I remember writing it feeling enthused I was going to write more. As we can see, the exact opposite happened.

(For my own mental clarity, let me write this down, so I know it’s real.)

So after I finished the post, Mercury retrograde happened. The basic explanation means to say that planet Mercury appears to move in an opposite direction to planet Earth. It is believed that during this retrograde period, it has an effect on our lives especially within communication and technology. It’s also said that certain astrological signs are deeply affected by the retrograde. Some think it’s baloney, while others swear by it. I’m somewhere in the middle. As a Gemini (haaay!), we are ruled by planet Mercury, which means we’re greatly impacted by the retrograde.  During this time, Geminis were advised to keep their mouths shut (since we’re jabbers) to avoid offending someone. Launching new projects were also ill advised and patience was the key to success.

Well, I listened. And inevitably, complacency found a way into my routine. Like a family member who promises they only need a place for 2 weeks and somehow end up staying for months on end. Now, I’m here like, “What in the world?! This has to end.” I’m the type of person who needs to be constantly on the move and complacency goes against who I am at the core. I believe complacency keeps you from progressing and it stunts your growth. In frustration, I knew Mercury retrograde made me comfortable in complacency. With every ounce of mental strength and will power left in me, I finally got here.

So, HI.

That was a much longer rant/explanation than intended. In short, I really just wanted to say, KEEP IT PUSHING – no matter what. I understand we have days where we don’t feel like it or flatly don’t want to do it. It’s okay to have those days. In my case, I had months of bad days. And this is where it can become detrimental. Pile on the bad days and we get into the mindset that another mishap is enough to ensue more unfortunate days ahead. Then, we feel stuck in this cycle of helplessness. The key is to remain mindful and fight not to stay there. Break the mentality. You’ve heard misery loves company. Well, comfort hates growth. Together, it’s like water and oil – they don’t mix.  So, try to see each day as an opportunity to start anew.

A bit cliché, but seize moments that inspire you. Stay active and do things you like. Be around people who are motivating. You never know what could spark your momentum. Remember, a step - big or small - is still a step. All you have to do is try. At the very least, believe in yourself and know positive things are coming.

XX. more love. more light. and to better days ahead.